Sadie Banks always knew she may have an issue getting pregnant, as infertility runs in her family. So, she and her husband Parker started trying to conceive soon after getting married with the knowledge that they may need medical assistance. After seeing a few different OBGYNs and being told to keep trying even after they had been trying for a full year, they decided to go to a fertility specialist. In their first appointment, Sadie was diagnosed with PCOS. Sadie and Parker began fertility treatments that year and in the March 2019 they began their first round of IVF. Now, in the summer of 2019, they feel cautious but very hopeful with the 11 embryos created during their first IVF cycle.
Q: What’s your fertility/infertility story in a nutshell?
We started trying to have babies very soon after we got married. Infertility runs in my family, so it was something I was concerned about it from the start. After seeing a few different OBGYNs (and getting told to keep trying even after we had been trying for a full year), we decided to go to a fertility specialist. In our first appointment, I was diagnosed with PCOS. We began fertility treatments that year and this last month (18 months later) we began our first round of IVF.
Q: Why did you decide to share your fertility journey on Good Grief and how has the response been?
Good Grief is a prompt journal I created to help others enduring infertility be able to cope with the emotions and experiences that infertility brings. We’ve sold out of Good Grief twice already in the 6 months that it has been available. The response has been incredible. I personally use my own copy and it has helped me tremendously in my journey. It helps me answer the hard questions and dig deeper to find the root of my emotions and then be able to work through them. My overall well-being has changed drastically since deciding to change my grief from something negative into “good grief.”
…all too often during our infertility journeys, we stop truly living. We put our lives on hold waiting to get pregnant or waiting for our babies.
Q: On your site, you use the phrase, “…to help you focus on living your life through infertility.” When you say, ‘through’, what does that mean to you and what do you hope those who read it gain from it?
I say that because I feel like all too often during our infertility journeys, we stop truly living. We put our lives on hold waiting to get pregnant or waiting for our babies and then suddenly, we’ve been trying to have babies for 3+ years and we don’t even know what we accomplished, if anything, in those three years. We start saying things like, “We’ll go on that trip after we get pregnant” or “I’ll be happier when I get pregnant.” I want to help people to be happier now. Not just when they get pregnant. Because spoiler alert (that I actually have zero backing in because I’ve never been pregnant or a parent BUT): pregnancy is hard too. Parenting is hard too. Life doesn’t just stop having hard things. So if we stop living when life gets hard, then we’re going to just really struggle through our whole lives. While it may seem like infertility is our whole life right now, it’s a phase. I want to live through that phase, not just exist through it.
Q: Do you have a favorite inspirational quote that helps you through this process?
My personal favorite quote is, “Joy always comes after sorrow”, by Henry B. Eyring. It helps remind me that there is joy ahead and that there is lots of joy ahead, I just have to keep walking to get there.
I’d recommend finding a doctor you can trust and ask questions to. Don’t be scared to get a second opinion or switch clinics or offices. You are your own advocate and you know your body best.
Q: What advice would you give to someone who is just starting their fertility journey and feeling overwhelmed?
Feel all of the feelings but don’t dwell in them. There are so many overwhelming and hard feelings that come with an infertility journey, but it is absolutely okay to be happy and sad at the same time. Relish in the good days because the more you do, the more often they will happen. Your journey does not have to be a negative experience.
As for the medical side of things, I’d recommend finding a doctor you can trust and ask questions to. Don’t be scared to get a second opinion or switch clinics or offices. You are your own advocate and you know your body best. Trust yourself.
Q: Is there anything else you want to add about the infertility journey as a whole?
I said this above, but I wish I could shout it from the rooftops: Your infertility journey does not have to be a negative experience! Mine was for a really long time. I was in a really dark place and it was terrifying. But I have recently learned that it does not have to be like that and my life has been forever changed since making a conscious effort every single day to try to be happier— even while I’m infertile.
You can follow Sadie here: www.instagram.com/sadie__banks, and find out more by visiting www.sadie-banks.com.
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